Charming personality, winning sense of humor,
spontaneous, and attractive in a Jon Hamm way but doesn't know it – these are
my must-haves in a potential boyfriend. Not that I'm the Yoda of dating and
modern relationships but I have dated the whole gamut in my 26 years, i.e. A
preacher's son, an atheist, Satan with an SEC haircut, the guy who sells
Christmas trees at Home Depot and the guy with a trust fund who I affectionately
refer to as Vacay Cam. What do all of these dopes have in common? They love to
tell you all about every major and minor activity they're apart of, pictures
and ridiculous hash tags included. Lucky me, right?
Here are some of the odd, unnecessary and
sometimes down carny cray social media behaviors of guys everywhere that drive
us crazy…and not in the warm and fuzzy I-want-to-jump-you way. Feel free to
relate.
Checking
In Everywhere.
I don't need to know when and where you eat every
meal and who you take with you. Guys only check-in and tweet their exact
location for one of two reasons: they want to impress a girl or they want to
make a girl jealous. Both are bad. Guys, if you want to impress a girl try taking her out on a date and having conversation while making her laugh.
Occasionally throw in a word or two about your career goals and/or your
five-year plan and you're golden. Note: Ambition is attractive. On the other
hand, guys often broadcast where they are and who's with them in a
thinly-veiled attempt to make a current or ex lady-friend jealous or better,
realize what a good time they're having with someone else. Those guys are the
worst.
Taking
Selfies.
In the car whilst "driving." In line to
get into "the most dope show EVER." At the gym about to “hit it.” I'm
sorry, but when did it become socially acceptable for a grown ass man to spend
3-5 minutes taking a picture of himself doing nothing spectacular at just the
right angle then applying the best filter for his skin tone and mood? I have
total respect for most men until I see the dreaded picture of them posing with
their sunglasses on, attempting to look serious while doing what I can only
compare to pouting and then adding a #bored, #workhardplayhard or my favorite,
#you'rewelcome. Ladies, if a guy is taking a picture of himself his non-existent
self-confidence is mixing with his narcissistic tendencies to create one tool
bag of a man. Steer clear until he sees the error of his ways.
Poking
and Other Unacceptable Ways of Saying Hello.
True story: I still get "poked" 2-3
times a week by two different guys who feel like we're on the friend level
since we attended the same university eight years ago. Nice try. I don't recall
ever having a conversation with either of them of substance and needless to say
I find the poking to be just as awkward as when it was first introduced and
somewhat acceptable. Have I ever returned the sentiment? Never. Come on guys,
social cues. Sure, we joke about guys not having a clue and sometimes
needing to hear us spell it out, but they aren't completely inept. No (normal)
female sees such behavior and thinks, "Wow, he knows what's up. I have to
have him now."
My final piece of advice? Girls, since we run the
world, feel free to be the beacon of truth to the guy or guys in your life.
Preach the good message that to be seen like a man they shouldn't post everyday
like a needy girl or my bored mother who just discovered “The Twitter.” Instead,
post with discretion and always with humor in mind when you feel like it. Then unplug.
Besides, a little mystery goes a long way.
xoxo,
B
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