Leo is All You Need.

The Great Gatsby is creating quite the stir. 

Now I love the classics and Mr. Fitzgerald's has always been one of my favorite American pieces, probably because I was never forced to read it in school like most everyone I know. Anyone who's anyone has been using social media to prophecize, predict, analyze and comment ever since Baz Carny Cray Luhrmann announced his intention to start filming. I've heard whines about everything from the unnecessary extravagance to casting of Daisy to the way the modern soundtrack makes/breaks the film.

I'M OVER IT.

If you're being honest with yourself, only one thing really mattes, well, besides the fact that Jay-Z produced the soundtrack which is Epic. 

Jay Gatsby. 

Shout out to Robert Redford from my grandma but HELLO, Leonardo DiCaprio being mysterious, rich and in a three piece suit? 

I'm in. 

So without further adieu, the many (incredibly attractive) emotions of Leo as Gatsby: 

Anxious/Awkward Gatsby

Romantic Gatsby

"I Really Want to Hurt You Right Now" Gatsby

Classy Frat Boy Gatsby

Perfection.

xoxo,

B

Punk Karen Elson, Prince Harry & HelloGiggles Goodness.

1. THIS HAPPENED.

2. THEN THIS HAPPENED.

3. And then THIS HAPPENED. 

It's all happening. 

XOXO,

B

Today Show: Stop Trying to Make Kitten Heels Cool

If it isn't enough to make us watch Savannah Guthrie's middle part, ill-fitting dresses and terrible lipstick shades on the daily, we are now being subjected to such segments titled "A Win-Win for Women's Feet! High Heels Are Out! Low Heels Are In!" 

Lovingly referred to as the "kitten heel," these mid-height shams of footwear are posers in every since of the word, posers that are apparently rising in popularity for the first time since their heyday in the 1960s. COME ON. In the 1960s women were too busy burning their bras, getting baked and making bad decisions at Woodstock. Wearing or not wearing kitten heels was not exactly of the essence. 

So who did NBC site as the fashion icon we credit for bringing these treats back? Michelle Obama. Trump card. I love her, it's no secret (almost) every woman and child love her but there's a major difference between wearing a low heel to accompany your husband who is PRESIDENT of the free world to meet with foreign diplomats and wearing them to be "comfortably fancy" for Girl's Night Out. I would also like to note Mrs. Barack is a tall woman and probs doesn't prefer to tower over her husband. May we all strive to follow in the fashion footsteps of Michelle rather than Hilary, yes?

My philosophy?  If you're going to wear a flat, wear a flat; if you're going to wear a heel, wear a HEEL. If you choose to make a habit of wearing the kitten heel you are doing a disservice to your silhouette!...specifically your bum, legs and overall posture. Why teeter on one-inch stumps when you can move up to the two-inch+ bracket and look extra amazing? Besides, I've never met a wedge I didn't like. 

XOXO,

B

Stage 5 Clingers, Ex-Gf's of Relationships Past and the Business.

Last night I went to hear one of my favorite bands, J Roddy Walston and the Business – think gritty rock with excellent bed head and hello, GREAT name. I love love love everything about them and sing their praises often,  so naturally I rounded up my girls to their show last night. Yes, on a school night. We arrived an hour late and the opening act in flannel via Third Man Records had just started yelling through the mic. Cool. We assumed position towards the back and within five minutes I had a young man in a Fender Guitar shirt and some sort of wooden necklace asking if he could buy me a drink. Yes, this always happens to me.

Fender: "You let me know when that's nothing but ice and we'll fix you right up okay, Pretty?"

Me: "I'm sorry, what?"

Fender: "I once saved a cat that was stuck in a tree." (pauses for laughter, I think) "I'm trying to make a joke."

Me: "Cats freak me out, but E for effort."

Fender: "Do your friends want to see my guns?" (assumes somewhat of a Hercules pose, pushing out his chest and showing his arm "muscle")

Me: "Wow, okay, this just got much weirder than I need for a Thursday."

Stage 5 Clinger was a persistent one and had no concept of social cues, I.e. He shook Kenna's hand and then told her it was sweaty (which is a fact but RUDE) and then proceeded to tell me he forgot my name (I never gave him my name, are you kidding?). So ten minutes or so later I did what every respectable girl does - "I have a boyfriend. Maybe you should go find another girl to chat up." He walked away and we laughed as we moved up closer to the stage in preparation for our main men. 

This is where the story gets good. 

About five feet from us stood THE ex-gf, the one who has despised me for the past 2.5 years and basically burns a hole through my skin with her eyes every time we find ourselves in the same concert venue. I've moved on, PRAISE!, and I am happy to report I have no clue about either of their situations. I do know she was there and he was not. 

Anyways, we tried to keep a respectable distance but somehow ended up one handsy couple away. Suddenly, the most beautiful thing happened just as J Roddy slightly humped the piano bench wailing "Pigs & Pearls." Stage 5 Clinger stands beside her, they strike up a very merry conversation, and hey, next thing you know they're dancing and carrying on like a couple of kids who just met on eHarmony! 

It was truly a win-win for us all. 

XOXO,

B 

Desperately Seeking Attention: Guys Who Love Checking In, Taking Selfies and Yes, Poking.

Charming personality, winning sense of humor, spontaneous, and attractive in a Jon Hamm way but doesn't know it – these are my must-haves in a potential boyfriend. Not that I'm the Yoda of dating and modern relationships but I have dated the whole gamut in my 26 years, i.e. A preacher's son, an atheist, Satan with an SEC haircut, the guy who sells Christmas trees at Home Depot and the guy with a trust fund who I affectionately refer to as Vacay Cam. What do all of these dopes have in common? They love to tell you all about every major and minor activity they're apart of, pictures and ridiculous hash tags included. Lucky me, right? 

Here are some of the odd, unnecessary and sometimes down carny cray social media behaviors of guys everywhere that drive us crazy…and not in the warm and fuzzy I-want-to-jump-you way. Feel free to relate. 

Checking In Everywhere.

I don't need to know when and where you eat every meal and who you take with you. Guys only check-in and tweet their exact location for one of two reasons: they want to impress a girl or they want to make a girl jealous. Both are bad. Guys, if you want to impress a girl try taking her out on a date and having conversation while making her laugh. Occasionally throw in a word or two about your career goals and/or your five-year plan and you're golden. Note: Ambition is attractive. On the other hand, guys often broadcast where they are and who's with them in a thinly-veiled attempt to make a current or ex lady-friend jealous or better, realize what a good time they're having with someone else. Those guys are the worst.  

Taking Selfies.

In the car whilst "driving." In line to get into "the most dope show EVER." At the gym about to “hit it.” I'm sorry, but when did it become socially acceptable for a grown ass man to spend 3-5 minutes taking a picture of himself doing nothing spectacular at just the right angle then applying the best filter for his skin tone and mood? I have total respect for most men until I see the dreaded picture of them posing with their sunglasses on, attempting to look serious while doing what I can only compare to pouting and then adding a #bored, #workhardplayhard or my favorite, #you'rewelcome. Ladies, if a guy is taking a picture of himself his non-existent self-confidence is mixing with his narcissistic tendencies to create one tool bag of a man. Steer clear until he sees the error of his ways. 

Poking and Other Unacceptable Ways of Saying Hello.

True story: I still get "poked" 2-3 times a week by two different guys who feel like we're on the friend level since we attended the same university eight years ago. Nice try. I don't recall ever having a conversation with either of them of substance and needless to say I find the poking to be just as awkward as when it was first introduced and somewhat acceptable. Have I ever returned the sentiment? Never. Come on guys, social cues. Sure, we joke about guys not having a clue and sometimes needing to hear us spell it out, but they aren't completely inept. No (normal) female sees such behavior and thinks, "Wow, he knows what's up. I have to have him now." 

My final piece of advice? Girls, since we run the world, feel free to be the beacon of truth to the guy or guys in your life. Preach the good message that to be seen like a man they shouldn't post everyday like a needy girl or my bored mother who just discovered “The Twitter.” Instead, post with discretion and always with humor in mind when you feel like it. Then unplug. Besides, a little mystery goes a long way. 

xoxo,

B

Gwyneth Paltrow is My Spirit Animal?

To be fair, I was on the fence about Gwyn for years. Yes, she's got the unattainable perfect blonde hair and porcelain gluten-free skin but is that enough? I specifically asked myself that very question after finally being allowed to watch Shakespeare in Love at the tender age of 14 when my mother gave in to my bribery. I had great taste in films even then! Okay, so as I watched the movie I realized the leading lady was a nice looking blonde who spoke too slowly, although I noted maybe Shakespeare was to blame for that last oddity.

Years later, aka LAST YEAR, I ended up randomly watching a lot of her films –including Country Strong, OY - and reading about her in my favorite magazines and online outlets where she was suddenly an expert on everything from skincare to eating clean. This counts as exhaustive research, so I've since worked through the fact that she named her kids after fruit and a major Biblical character, respectively, and grown to love her for who she is: an Oscar-winning Actress turned NYT Bestselling Author who is married to a Mr. Coldplay. As if that wasn't enough, she has been deemed MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN BEYONCE. Let that sink in for a moment. 

So for all of you non-believers/haters, I present to you 8 reasons to adore Gwyn:

1. She is 40 years old and looks like this.
2. Her list of past-suitors sounds like the Oscar red carpet line-up: Brad Pitt (in his prime), Ben Affleck & Luke Wilson. 
3. She's married to Chris Martin and all signs point to a happy, healthy marriage. Say you don't love Coldplay and I'll say you're a liar. 
4. Leonardo DiCaprio inspired her to become a vegetarian. 
5. Her favorite look? Jeans and a t-shirt with minimal make-up. (In love, yet?)
6. "I feel my most beautiful when I am truly myself. Meaning, when I accept exactly where I am in time and space, and I'm not judging myself in any way, and I feel that I have the peace that comes with loving yourself and all of your flaws," she told People.
7. Her kids eat healthier on the daily than most adults I know but Gwyneth does let them eat Oreos and Cheetos. Hello, Mom of the Year.
8. She and Chris go on double dates with Jay-Z and Beyonce on the regular, telling Harper's Bazaar in a recent interview they have a lot in common: "We're all calm, grounded people." Word!  

XOXO,

B

All I'm Saying Is, Put Down Your iPhone. You Deserve a Real Date.

I grew up watching black and white romantic classics with my grandmother – think Roman Holiday and From Here to Eternity. While this did solidify my obsession with Audrey Hepburn and teach me the value of a perfectly tailored dress, it also left me with unbelievably high expectations of meeting someone new and subsequently, the first date. We should meet somewhere adorably unexpected – a coffee shop, on a business trip, at the park – then he would take charge and plan our night – picnic, dinner for two at a new place, hot air balloon ride because he knows a guy – where we will inevitably discover random common interests. 

The reality? Your friend from work/church/yoga knows a guy who is "perfect for you" because he's "super funny"so she has him look you up on Facebook. There's no candlelight, only the illumination from your iPhone as you read the short, vague message from Mr. Breezy. He asks for your number and you send it, under the pretense that he'll call and there will be no more typing. He texts and asks you for coffee/drinks/to watch basketball at his place and you're supposed to what…swoon?

It's 2013. I get it. I love my Apple products just as much as the next twenty-something and you don't even want to hear about the time I thought I had lost my iPhone to a carny cray's water spill at Bonnaroo. Google, Facebook, Twitter and yes, Linked In, are excellent tools to make sure your prospective date isn't married/a serial killer/repulsive, BUT you have to stop there. Investing too much time in analyzing someone's online persona is guaranteed to mess with whatever might develop when you actually spend time with that person. You start to rule him out because of what, he wore a man tank in 2004? 

Whatever happened to sitting across from someone and hearing firsthand where they work, what music they're into, where they went to college and where they ate amazing mexican last night! The eye gaze, the body language, the chemistry! I propose that we step away from the crutch that is social media and date the old-fashioned way called conversation. Besides, getting to know someone new and the anticipation you feel shoot out your fingers and toes is what it's all about, right? 

XOXO,

B

Dear B: To Bareleg?

Dear B,

Since Easter's over and we're all springing into April, is it acceptable to lose the tights and go bare leg? My legs are super pale but I'm thinking it's now or never, right? HELP.

Lylas,
XXXXXX


Dear Barbara Walters,

With Easter came many a fashion tragedy, and while I tried to focus on the good book at Sunday service I found myself shivering at all the short dresses and bare legs. Why? Not because of the shining paleness or the bright colors - because there were plenty of Easter eggs out there - but because it was less than 60 degrees and everybody had visible goosebumps.

As for me and my limbs, I choose to go bareleg once it's warm enough out that I will remain happy and goosebump-free. Have a cute dress that's akin to the Grace Potter mini? Keep it safely in your closet until the warmer weather arrives. Don't waste a good outfit on the cold and cloudy.

And if all else fails, ask yourself if Connie Britton ('s hair) would wear that. Works every time.

xoxo-B

Monday Prayers With B.

Today we come together to ask some tough questions about an old fan favorite of your's and mine: 50 Cent. So many items I would love to discuss with him, given the Oprah-level opportunity. I challenge you to turn on "Just a Little Bit" as we ask Curtis (almost) 21 questions:

Where are you?

Was your interview with Oprah an intervention or a Match.com set-up?

What happened with Chelsea Handler? 

Was that a Match.com set-up? OkCupid? 

Did she call you Curtis? 

Have you really been shot 50+ times?

Why did you become man-anorexic to play a character in a movie no one saw? 

You have a home in suburban Connecticut. WHAT IS THAT? 

Are you still mad at Kanye?

XOXO-B

Spring is for lovers?

Today is officially the start of Spring, one of my favorite times since it means Summer is creeping close behind. With this season change comes plenty of questions from my curious brain; a blessing and a curse, really. Here’s what I’m pondering –

Why is it still 45 degrees out?

Who did John Mayer cheat on Katy Perry with?

What is Jessica Biel’s favorite song off her husband’s new album?

Has Britney Spears threatened to shave her head (again) anytime in the past 6-8 months? 

What’s chemically wrong with the people who like their own Instgram photos…and like their ex’s Instagram photos?  

Why does our intern look like Matt Saracen?

Why did Kim have to get pregnant and completely dash my dreams of Jay-Z and Kanye playing at Lollapalooza 2013?

Why do guys think “hanging out and watching basketball” is an acceptable first, second or third date?

Is Lindsay Vonn on bath salts?

Why do people choose to own cats?

Does the Pope sleep in that hat?

Are hats chic now?

XOXO-B

COMMENTARY FROM THREE EDUCATED WOMEN DURING THE BACHELOR FINALE.

Chris Harrison is basically Bieber's stepdad.

Does Sean "no eyebrows" Lowe own shoes?

Do you think he has a belly button?

His v-neck was sprayed on, obviously.

Say note again. NOTE.

Give a rose to Sean's dad.

Her voice makes me want to vomit this gluten-free cookie up.

She sounds like an 8 year old with a sinus infection.

Can you have HIS hand in marriage? Not so funny when he doesn't pick you.

I think he dyes his hair.

He looks like a horrible Hollister ad right now.

THAT MAN TANK. I cannot.

No, you did not decide to float down that river, ABC did...they also gave you a geography and history lesson on Thailand before filming.

What if Biden and Chris Harrison switched gigs?

Unfortunately we all remeber your first kiss on the stairs.

Is she old enough to drink?

If I didn't like our awesome TV so much I would chunk this at his face.

Look! It's Mulan.

Notice they didn't show her getting up on the elephant.

XOXO-B

My ElimiDate.

Sometimes you go to dinner and have a nice quiet meal with friends and sometimes you go to dinner and end up being an extra on ElimiDate. 

A few nights ago I was exhausted – publicity is tough – and all I wanted to do was see my friends and eat food. Preferably at a chic/non Las Palmas or Pei Wei place, of course. We ended up at one of my favorite local establishments, no wait, and were seated in the corner next to a couple sitting on the same side of the table and a few drinks in. Now, I didn't judge these two right away. I assumed this was a first or second date and I assumed they were from Murfreesboro. Mid-30s. He was wearing aviators (yes, indoors, at night) and a hoodie/leather coat combo; she was wearing a red pleather skirt with a fur coat. 

I never heard her speak; only giggle. He, like any true douchebag, talked about himself and covered all of the following topics that landed him firmly in the ElimiDate elite:

He knows a lot of songwriters.

He loves LA but is over the scene.

He knows someone who is friends with someone who knows Elton John. 

You don't know that song? (HE THEN PROCEEDED TO SING) *this happened twice

A record company cut him a check for "like seven figures."

You want to go to Brazil? Let's go to Brazil. I'll take you.

He once either rescued small kids in an ocean or taught kids how to swim in an ocean. (muffled)

He's so glad he met her because she's so hot. 

XOXO,

B

Is Adele Pregnant?

TEXTS I RECEIVED FROM MY MOTHER WHILE WATCHING THE OSCARS

*my mother does not drink

(after seeing Ben Affleck) He's the toast of the town.

I like the host.

John Travolta scares me. 

(on Life of Pi) I don't think that movie came to Jackson. 

They're all lip synching. 

(on Jennifer Hudson) I can't understand a thing she's screaming.

Is Adele pregnant? 

That little girl nominated is so cute – she's in a movie?

(I asked: What is Anne Hathaway wearing?) I don't know – I think it's supposed to be a dress. It's modest, though.

Why couldn't that Twilight girl have at least brushed her hair?

She's stoned. 

Barbara Streisand is amazing and I know talent.

Well now they're all off to drink and sleep with each other's wives. 

XOXO,

B

Don't Speak.

Without further adieu, the list of topics I don't care to discuss with you, especially before noon. Sorry but I'm not sorry. 

Red 40

how your thighs look in jeans

your baby's illness and subsequent doctor's visit that went wrong

your secret Pinterest board(s)

my Facebook

your Facebook

your ex with a very biblical name

Justin Bieber

the Christian Music industry

headbands 

Happy Wednesday,
B

xoxo

Budget B.

Sunday night I got my life together aka hit the gym, did laundry, cooked a meal and made a "budget." Well, sort of. I'm too ADD/FUN to make one of those daily excel spreadsheet types that I'm sure Dave Frightening Ramsey no doubt endorses. I do, however, like to set goals for my superfluous spending in the coming months based on activities and social events I want to make sure I'm fully prepared to own.

So whilst watching Beyonce's doc I made a running list of items and events worth saving my rubles for - here they are, in no particular order:

Bonnaroo 2013 tickets

Warby's

A trip to Parlour & Juke for a trim and some mint tea with Marwa

She & Him at the Ryman tickets

JT & Jay-Z tickets, wherever they decide to play I am there

Lollapalooza 2013 tickets (are you seeing a trend here?)

Hair Chalk (for said music events)

Some sort of fancy workout for the month of April/May, i.e. Pure Barre, HotBox

Laser hair removal

Spring Dresses

THESE 

xoxo,

B

Sunday Prayers with B.

Today, just a few hours before the Grammys, we come together to pray for Kanye, Kim, their unborn child, the entire country of Brazil and mankind in general.

Let this be a lesson to us all.

xoxo-B

february love.

So it's February. The month of LOVE. The month of Beyonce, apparently. Ooh and the Grammys and then the Oscars. The shortest month of the year with the biggest heart. Yep, I went there. Why? Because I love all the cheesy odes to love. I appreciate that Americans buy pounds of the candy hearts that shouldn't be edible. I love that first graders (and me) pick out just the perfect Hello Kitty valentine for their chosen besties. 

I don't get the 87% of you that trapse around all month like "blah blah blah, I'm cold and I hate couples" and/or "blah blah blah, I wish my boyfriend was hot" and so on and so on. First of all, no, I am not dating Ryan Gosling but at least I can sleep well knowing that he is not with a girl he's with Eva Mendes. Don't settle for a fool but do flirt, flash your best "let's mix it up, maybe?" eyes and throw the (attractive, nerdy) guys a bone. Have some fun. Love is fun. 

You're tired of the winter drab? Move to the South. It's currently sunny and 64 which I realize isn't a heatwave but it's far better than Minnesota. Also, don't be afraid to let your wardrobe get a little gloomy, ie. Black on black on black is always chic, but do throw a little color in there when you feel so inclined. In case you've forgotten, other colors other than black include: teal, fuscia, white, green, gray and glitter.

If you're still not feeling the love, go find your best friend and just hug the mess out of them. I can promise that they will either hug you back and you'll both get all Hallmark or they'll clam up and you'll both get awkward and laugh for 10 minutes. Both options have awesome outcomes and you'll be that much closer to a better relationship with your home fry and Cupid himself. 

Love you all. Mean it.

XOXO-B

You're Not Jesus, Chris Brown.

I mean, let's give Chris Brown some credit. At least he's starting to fight men. 

But Frank Ocean, really? Whatever happened in that parking lot was so traumatic that it drove Mr. Brown to get religious. He instagrammed that he was trying to focus on his work, "not negativity," before posting a drawing of Jesus on the cross with the caption: "Painting the way I feel today." Ummm...not okay. In the words of fellow Instagrammer thrillho_ "you're not Jesus, you're a party clown." 

So in light of these recent transgressions, I have put together a list for Rihanna's publicist of potential CB replacements:

Frank Ocean

Mikky Ekko

Donald Glover

Bruno Mars

Lance Armstrong 

Bradley Cooper

That guy from the Lumineers

Harry Styles

Bill Hader 

Adam Levine

Lebron

Zac Efron

xoxo-B

Dating scares me.

This is an actual Facebook message my fabulously put together and well educated friend received from a guy she went to high school with. Yes, she's from a small town and no, she didn't remember this young man in the slightest. 

Hey girl.. How are ya? How long has it been? What's keeping you busy ? 
I enjoyed your profile picture. I can tell see you've tak'n go care of yourself. 
Maybe sometime we can get together. I'd like to taKe you out sometime. 
If your dating someone i need to apologize but if not I'm looking forward to hearing from ya. 
*******

Since receipt of this "love note" she has stayed away from all forms of social media and dating in general.  

I ask you, where have all the JFK Jr.'s gone?

XOXO,
B