COMMENTARY FROM THREE EDUCATED WOMEN DURING THE BACHELOR FINALE.

Chris Harrison is basically Bieber's stepdad.

Does Sean "no eyebrows" Lowe own shoes?

Do you think he has a belly button?

His v-neck was sprayed on, obviously.

Say note again. NOTE.

Give a rose to Sean's dad.

Her voice makes me want to vomit this gluten-free cookie up.

She sounds like an 8 year old with a sinus infection.

Can you have HIS hand in marriage? Not so funny when he doesn't pick you.

I think he dyes his hair.

He looks like a horrible Hollister ad right now.

THAT MAN TANK. I cannot.

No, you did not decide to float down that river, ABC did...they also gave you a geography and history lesson on Thailand before filming.

What if Biden and Chris Harrison switched gigs?

Unfortunately we all remeber your first kiss on the stairs.

Is she old enough to drink?

If I didn't like our awesome TV so much I would chunk this at his face.

Look! It's Mulan.

Notice they didn't show her getting up on the elephant.

XOXO-B

s*** my (totally sober) co-worker says.

I love where I work. It's great. Nice place, funny people, plenty of fancy pens, no mean kids yelling at me while eating hot cheettos and I am free to use the bathroom anytime I want. YES. So all day every day I'm working along, making it all happen, and then my twenty-something, non-intern, totally sober co-worker speaks. Instead of explaining the comedic value of statements made on any given day I've recorded several "treats" for you to appreciate and ponder how many black cats bit said co-worker during childhood. 

"I've had my dancing days, like I've always wanted to be a Rockette."

"Why did I win tickets to that Gavin DeGraw concert? Because I'm always on Facebook, but never my personal page, no."

"I kinda want to do a back handspring but there's not enough floor space."

"I'm the reason we have to sign a waiver before department outings."

"Last year I dressed as the Twitter Fail Whale for Halloween-at-work-day and squirted everyone with a water gun."

To another co-worker: "Happy Parenthood Day! (awkward silence) I just saw your Facebook conversation with _____ about it!"

"I love Kelly Clarkson."

"Yes, I watched all seven season of "One Tree Hill" in two weeks." 

"Why didn't I send in a tape for 'The Bachelor?' I am cuter than all of those girls."

***Disclaimer: I do believe said co-worker means well and maybe one day will realize the error of the aforementioned ways... so as my mother would say, Bless!

Go register to vote. Now. XOXO

tighten up, spring.

Hello my name is Katie and I have been a very negligent blogger as of late. I attribute my brief absence to activities including but not limited to editing chapters 1-4 of my book, half-watching and 100% making fun of the dopey Bachelor finale and driving to Alabama on a weeknight to see Jack. Hey, we are all busy and fall short. Which leads me to this profound thought: spring weather is nice.

Spring in this part of the country means perfect temperatures free of that humidity we come to hate by early June - days filled with puffy clouds and plenty of sunshine. Music sounds better with the windows rolled down. Every food group tastes better whilst enjoyed on a patio or deck, and honestly, I've already forgotten what it was like to not be able to feel my face as I walked to, well, anywhere. The con of this storybook weather is that it will soon transform into a stifling summer and we will undoubtedly curse the sun as we are unable to function without a pool or handheld fan. So in honor of living in the moment and simply because my brain thinks in lists, here are some perfect activities to enjoy during this time of atmospheric awesomeness:

1. Go to the park. Contrary to popular belief you do not have to have a dog or a child to enjoy a nice outing to the park. Take a blanket, a beverage and reading material. Company optional.

2. Go run. Outside. Stop saying you're not a runner and go! Just don't run on a main road like some of the hardcore marathon-training "I run at 9 pm on Woodmont wearing all black" runners do. It's poor form and it's dangerous.

3. Buy tickets to a summer music festival. It's a win/win situation. You buy tickets in advance and they're typically cheaper, and you're guaranteed a ticket... AND you trick your brain into getting excited about being at an outdoor music festival in the summer heat. Case in point, Bonnaroo. We bought our tickets weeks ago and my brain is envisioning listening to Aziz be hilarious on a sunny, 72 degree spring day. I'm sure it will be closer to 102 degrees but don't tell my brain that just yet.

4. Eat outside. I can think of about 35 places within a fifteen mile radius that offer outdoor seating so no excuses.

5. Dress for the occasion. Put up the blah black and winter sweaters. Keep it light and add some color! Boys, you too. Seersucker allowed.

Happy Spring! Here's to freckles and plenty of buttercups. xoxo.

THINGS FOUR WELL-EDUCATED WOMEN SAID WHILST WATCHING YET ANOTHER EPISODE OF THE BACHELOR.

They have the same part.
Chris Harrison is probably already on the island, floating and reading People.
The divorce isn't final from her wife.
An eating disorder? Tell me something new.
He's dead in the eyes.
His inner thigh! Nothing about that is attractive.
Do not make them get in the river.
They've photo shopped the camera man who is actually driving the boat.
Natives!
Yeah, I don't think they speak like, American Spanish, like, yeah.
He looks like Kelly Kapowski's father, no grandfather.
Look how white his inner thighs are!
After seeing that, I never want to be with a man again.
Even her laugh sucks.
Love her. Hate her foundation.
Turn the beat around, son.
Are they rubbing cheeks or are they kissing?
Do you have anything of value to say?
King Douchelord.
The close-up of her eyebrows is just as disturbing as her personality.
Oh my Bathsheba status.
Two on ones are the worst.
Who's the Chief? Obama? You're with Barack?
Cheesy hash browns.
Q: Is that a silk shirt? A: No it's linen, poly-cotton at best.
Don't mind us, just changing each other's tampons!
Ew, he had his tongue out way before she even leaned it.
Q: Why must he always wear those gay flip-flops? A: Because it matches his hair, which sucks.
#daddy issues
...And by model she means pole dancer.
YOU'RE THE MOST INSECURE PERSON I'VE EVER SEEN!
That dress looks like a carnation blew up!
Where did her country accent come from? She's from Brooklyn.
Annnnnd Resort Wear 2010.
He's just terrible.
Good hair attracts good hair. She needs to take her locks of love and run.
Who from ABC brought her all those magazines to use for her scrapbook?
Thanks for that close-up of the homeless cat.
Stop crying, you have an entire harem waiting for you.
She doesn't need to get married, she needs a therapist.
She's damaged goods, I'm over it.
Why is she playing with his pinkie?
He just said, "Do you want my mouth closed or open?" I can't watch any further.