Saturday night I went for drinks with
some of my favorite girls. A rarity in many cases since we’re usually too busy
being with boring people or out of town; neither an excuse but both valid
cases. We found a table in the middle of it all and started gushing about
recent love affairs, how to avoid a stage five clinger in a wheelchair and
well, everything we were ahem, blessed to be witnessing. Classy girls don’t kiss in bars but
apparently they do buy a table of inattentive guys a round while traipsing around in ripped
tights. Here’s the good and bad of what to do, and more importantly not do, while out at a hip establishment on
a Saturday night.
Never buy a man a drink
Never wear ripped clothing – tights are the worse! - unless you're on Skins
Never wear snakeskin
Only get felt up if you're in a tutu - if you're wearing a tutu you're asking for it
Never poll friends you don't know
Do scale everything in conversation on a level of 1-Bon Jovi - you don't want
to set standards too high
No hoodies unless you just got off work at Lulu Lemon or your significant other is a
Def Jam recording artist
Totally act bored if a guy with chest hair freely flowing from his too-deep V neck keeps talking
Always let them come to you
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