Trick's Got Treats.

I have always loved Halloween, mainly because I welcome any excuse to tease the hair and wear some sort of festively creative get-up, typically involving glitter and lash extensions. The candy consumption and staggeringly high number of girls and boys in some sort of lycra bodysuit are enough to scare me into early menopause, but still, I welcome the black candles and sweet little trick-or-treaters. Still looking for a costume idea? That sucks. I will help, however, by telling you ideas that are guaranteed to not get you laid good candy:

A pumpkin (rotund is not slimming)

Taylor Swift

Anything involving wearing a box

Anything involving wearing a sheet with holes for eyes

A Snuggie

A sexy nurse, cop, cheerleader or maid...puuulease, evolve!

A urinal

A pimp OR a prostitue (cue Jack)

Anything so complicated that it takes a ten-minute explanation before someone politely runs away

High School Paul Ryan (Homecoming King, 1987)

Any representation of a bird

xoxo-B

Jack Goes to Jackson.

Last night Jack played in my hometown, in the same establishment where I grew up performing - dance recitals, talent shows and really gay musicals. So yes, it was a bit strange seeing everybody backstage as they were, laying around listening to Buck Owens before rocking the hell out of the place - and rock the hell out of the place they did. The craziest act that building had ever seen prior to Mr. White coming to town was my "risque dancing-on-a-table" sequence in the 2004 production of Bye Bye Birdie. Yep, that actually happened. 

SO as you can now imagine, it certainly did not suck seeing Jack and his incredibly talented cohorts completely own it. 

Talk about a religious experience. 

See? Pretty much the same. (said no one ever)

Almost Friday!

XOXO.

dopes you shouldn't bother dating

Just the other day I was eagerly awaiting Mr. Jack White to play a sold-out show at the Ryman. With my favorite and a beverage in hand I was a happy girl, however I kept noticing a couple near us and what a great time they were not having. She switched seats with him because he couldn't see very well. He made her hold his drink while he tink tinked on his phone up until the time the lights went out. He paid her little attention and her expression blatantly read, "Why am I here with this dope?" So in honor of THAT girl, and girls everywhere, I bring you dopes you shouldn't bother dating. 

Exhibit A: The Green Bean

We've all dated one, or three or four. You know, the guy who looks great enough on paper - nice smile, decent conversationalist, calls when he says he will - but, like green beans,  he's bland, the one you never crave but he's there and it's convenient. The green bean is nice enough but lacks all the umph! you're looking for in a man. Ditch him and find a strapping beau who sets your hair on fire with his general awesomeness.

Exhibit B: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

You don't have to be familiar with this piece of classic lit to grasp the reference. This guy is attractive, seemingly put together and well-mannered, but give him a few days and he turns into a man you do not know. An elegant mess. Is consistency too much to ask for? NO. If he can't consistently be his non-dopey, brilliant self that you love then what's the point of sticking around? A little Don Draper is charming but too much does not a healthy relationship make. 

Exhibit C: Mizz Thang

A borderline homosexual, this guy is hilarious but his self-proclaimed "metrosexualness" is exhausting. This dope seems fairly manly at first but then his little quirks start their midnight creep quicker than one would assume. He uses product in his hair. He is proud to tell you all about the product he uses in his hair. He frequently refers to you as "the bestest." He cares more about the Miss America Pagent talent portion than you do and dvr's Gossip Girl. 

Exhibit D: Mr. Hunger Games. 

When he cares to be around the outdoors more than you and is not a tribute? That is a problem. Arguably most perplexing of all the dopes, this guy prefers to roam about like a nomad and practically live in the woods to staying still long enough to get to know a female. While he appreciates the species he finds himself quite content not being at all attached to a woman, spending all of his time proving just how manly he is. The sad part is the only ones paying any kind of attention are his man friends. Too much testosterone and not enough heart. 

Exhibit E: Mr. Long Distance

Great, you live 3,000 miles away and yes, you miss me and want to see me but you don't want to actually make the trip. You just want to talk about it. Talking is nice but you should really stop with all the talk and make it happen. You make time for the people you want to make time for; it really is that simple. Action is character. No action is lame.  

As for me, I'm sticking to my SEC haircut, polo wearing, well-read gentleman type. A guy who is just as obsessed with music as I am, who finds my inability to add and subtract endearing and doesn't get bent out of shape when I can't properly pour frozen beverages from a pitcher. 

xoxo.

love is interrupted, jack says.

Jack White.

It's no secret that I suffer from a mild case of severe admiration for the man. He plays the best guitar and manages to turn out excellent music with each band that he cultivates. He's mysterious enough to keep people (and the press) curious while leading a pretty simple life, which includes being a dad and a Nashvillian. Yes, I mourned a small bit for the official break-up of your favorite and mine, The White Stripes, but I fell in love all over again when the Raconteurs played a sold-out show at the Ryman last fall.

Jack has done it all, but this spring we're going to see a first: a solo album. Recorded in its entirety at Third Man, "Blunderbuss" is set to release in late April, which cannot come soon enough. Thankfully he went ahead and released a single, "Love Interruption," today via JackWhiteIII and hits iTunes later tonight.

As for comments on the solo project, Jack kept his thoughts to two sentences: "I've put off making records under my own name for a long time, but these songs feel like they could only be presented under my name. These songs were written from scratch, had nothing to do with anyone or anything else but my own expression, my own colors on my own canvas."

Here's hoping that he plays the Ryman. and Bonnaroo.

xoxo