Desperately Seeking Attention: Guys Who Love Checking In, Taking Selfies and Yes, Poking.

Charming personality, winning sense of humor, spontaneous, and attractive in a Jon Hamm way but doesn't know it – these are my must-haves in a potential boyfriend. Not that I'm the Yoda of dating and modern relationships but I have dated the whole gamut in my 26 years, i.e. A preacher's son, an atheist, Satan with an SEC haircut, the guy who sells Christmas trees at Home Depot and the guy with a trust fund who I affectionately refer to as Vacay Cam. What do all of these dopes have in common? They love to tell you all about every major and minor activity they're apart of, pictures and ridiculous hash tags included. Lucky me, right? 

Here are some of the odd, unnecessary and sometimes down carny cray social media behaviors of guys everywhere that drive us crazy…and not in the warm and fuzzy I-want-to-jump-you way. Feel free to relate. 

Checking In Everywhere.

I don't need to know when and where you eat every meal and who you take with you. Guys only check-in and tweet their exact location for one of two reasons: they want to impress a girl or they want to make a girl jealous. Both are bad. Guys, if you want to impress a girl try taking her out on a date and having conversation while making her laugh. Occasionally throw in a word or two about your career goals and/or your five-year plan and you're golden. Note: Ambition is attractive. On the other hand, guys often broadcast where they are and who's with them in a thinly-veiled attempt to make a current or ex lady-friend jealous or better, realize what a good time they're having with someone else. Those guys are the worst.  

Taking Selfies.

In the car whilst "driving." In line to get into "the most dope show EVER." At the gym about to “hit it.” I'm sorry, but when did it become socially acceptable for a grown ass man to spend 3-5 minutes taking a picture of himself doing nothing spectacular at just the right angle then applying the best filter for his skin tone and mood? I have total respect for most men until I see the dreaded picture of them posing with their sunglasses on, attempting to look serious while doing what I can only compare to pouting and then adding a #bored, #workhardplayhard or my favorite, #you'rewelcome. Ladies, if a guy is taking a picture of himself his non-existent self-confidence is mixing with his narcissistic tendencies to create one tool bag of a man. Steer clear until he sees the error of his ways. 

Poking and Other Unacceptable Ways of Saying Hello.

True story: I still get "poked" 2-3 times a week by two different guys who feel like we're on the friend level since we attended the same university eight years ago. Nice try. I don't recall ever having a conversation with either of them of substance and needless to say I find the poking to be just as awkward as when it was first introduced and somewhat acceptable. Have I ever returned the sentiment? Never. Come on guys, social cues. Sure, we joke about guys not having a clue and sometimes needing to hear us spell it out, but they aren't completely inept. No (normal) female sees such behavior and thinks, "Wow, he knows what's up. I have to have him now." 

My final piece of advice? Girls, since we run the world, feel free to be the beacon of truth to the guy or guys in your life. Preach the good message that to be seen like a man they shouldn't post everyday like a needy girl or my bored mother who just discovered “The Twitter.” Instead, post with discretion and always with humor in mind when you feel like it. Then unplug. Besides, a little mystery goes a long way. 

xoxo,

B

dopes you shouldn't bother dating

Just the other day I was eagerly awaiting Mr. Jack White to play a sold-out show at the Ryman. With my favorite and a beverage in hand I was a happy girl, however I kept noticing a couple near us and what a great time they were not having. She switched seats with him because he couldn't see very well. He made her hold his drink while he tink tinked on his phone up until the time the lights went out. He paid her little attention and her expression blatantly read, "Why am I here with this dope?" So in honor of THAT girl, and girls everywhere, I bring you dopes you shouldn't bother dating. 

Exhibit A: The Green Bean

We've all dated one, or three or four. You know, the guy who looks great enough on paper - nice smile, decent conversationalist, calls when he says he will - but, like green beans,  he's bland, the one you never crave but he's there and it's convenient. The green bean is nice enough but lacks all the umph! you're looking for in a man. Ditch him and find a strapping beau who sets your hair on fire with his general awesomeness.

Exhibit B: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

You don't have to be familiar with this piece of classic lit to grasp the reference. This guy is attractive, seemingly put together and well-mannered, but give him a few days and he turns into a man you do not know. An elegant mess. Is consistency too much to ask for? NO. If he can't consistently be his non-dopey, brilliant self that you love then what's the point of sticking around? A little Don Draper is charming but too much does not a healthy relationship make. 

Exhibit C: Mizz Thang

A borderline homosexual, this guy is hilarious but his self-proclaimed "metrosexualness" is exhausting. This dope seems fairly manly at first but then his little quirks start their midnight creep quicker than one would assume. He uses product in his hair. He is proud to tell you all about the product he uses in his hair. He frequently refers to you as "the bestest." He cares more about the Miss America Pagent talent portion than you do and dvr's Gossip Girl. 

Exhibit D: Mr. Hunger Games. 

When he cares to be around the outdoors more than you and is not a tribute? That is a problem. Arguably most perplexing of all the dopes, this guy prefers to roam about like a nomad and practically live in the woods to staying still long enough to get to know a female. While he appreciates the species he finds himself quite content not being at all attached to a woman, spending all of his time proving just how manly he is. The sad part is the only ones paying any kind of attention are his man friends. Too much testosterone and not enough heart. 

Exhibit E: Mr. Long Distance

Great, you live 3,000 miles away and yes, you miss me and want to see me but you don't want to actually make the trip. You just want to talk about it. Talking is nice but you should really stop with all the talk and make it happen. You make time for the people you want to make time for; it really is that simple. Action is character. No action is lame.  

As for me, I'm sticking to my SEC haircut, polo wearing, well-read gentleman type. A guy who is just as obsessed with music as I am, who finds my inability to add and subtract endearing and doesn't get bent out of shape when I can't properly pour frozen beverages from a pitcher. 

xoxo.