All I'm Saying Is, Put Down Your iPhone. You Deserve a Real Date.

I grew up watching black and white romantic classics with my grandmother – think Roman Holiday and From Here to Eternity. While this did solidify my obsession with Audrey Hepburn and teach me the value of a perfectly tailored dress, it also left me with unbelievably high expectations of meeting someone new and subsequently, the first date. We should meet somewhere adorably unexpected – a coffee shop, on a business trip, at the park – then he would take charge and plan our night – picnic, dinner for two at a new place, hot air balloon ride because he knows a guy – where we will inevitably discover random common interests. 

The reality? Your friend from work/church/yoga knows a guy who is "perfect for you" because he's "super funny"so she has him look you up on Facebook. There's no candlelight, only the illumination from your iPhone as you read the short, vague message from Mr. Breezy. He asks for your number and you send it, under the pretense that he'll call and there will be no more typing. He texts and asks you for coffee/drinks/to watch basketball at his place and you're supposed to what…swoon?

It's 2013. I get it. I love my Apple products just as much as the next twenty-something and you don't even want to hear about the time I thought I had lost my iPhone to a carny cray's water spill at Bonnaroo. Google, Facebook, Twitter and yes, Linked In, are excellent tools to make sure your prospective date isn't married/a serial killer/repulsive, BUT you have to stop there. Investing too much time in analyzing someone's online persona is guaranteed to mess with whatever might develop when you actually spend time with that person. You start to rule him out because of what, he wore a man tank in 2004? 

Whatever happened to sitting across from someone and hearing firsthand where they work, what music they're into, where they went to college and where they ate amazing mexican last night! The eye gaze, the body language, the chemistry! I propose that we step away from the crutch that is social media and date the old-fashioned way called conversation. Besides, getting to know someone new and the anticipation you feel shoot out your fingers and toes is what it's all about, right? 

XOXO,

B

B's Guide to Holiday Parties.

Ah, holiday season is here again: the time of perpetual joy and too many parties thrown to celebrate sugar sweats and an obese, albiet lovable, hologram with a white beard. Now I love Christmas, so much in fact that I have committed to an exhausting number of holiday get-togethers, and yes, my chiropractor is concerned. As you can see, getting social this time of year is not for the faint of heart, aka you need an action plan. Here are the Do's and Don'ts I'll be using to help get me through the next twelve days of holiday schoomozing and socializing. 

Do: Smokey eye, nude lip and hair that has been brushed.

Don't: Glitter dresses, glitter belts, or anything in the sequin family...unless you just look awesome.

Do: Has showing a little leg ever been out of style? Show some leg; tights optional, heels preferred. 

Don't: Drink eggnog. I don't care if it's the only beverage spiked at the lame-o church party you sadly agreed to attend with your aunt Judy. It's gross and has the consistency of a Twinkie dipped in whole milk. 

Do: Make good on all the mistletoe and make-out with someone, anyone really, besides your second cousin who you pretend to not find attractive. A cousin is a cousin. 

Don't: Eat only sweets. You want to feel jolly not look jolly. Diabetes is real, and everyone knows that Santa won't bring you an iPad 5 if you're fat. 

Do: Pretend to know a person's name even if you haven't seen them since high school and couldn't remember their name if they bribed you with alcoholic candy canes. Smile and say, "Hello you!" Works every time. 

Don't: Use ridiculous holiday-focused pick-up lines or conversation starters. These include: All I want for Christmas if you, Have you been a good girl/boy this year?, Care to jump on my sleigh?…and my favorite, I'm sure you're on my naughty list.

Mazel tov,

B